


Just Promise To Bury Me By The Bench

by assium



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Blood, Blood and Injury, Christmas, Death, Dream Smp, Exile, Exiled TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Manipulation, One Shot, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, Tommy exile arc, Tubbo - Freeform, but not really, only pain my bois
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:41:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28598616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/assium/pseuds/assium
Summary: Tommy couldn't take this anymore.All his hope was gone.He was about to end it all.
Comments: 13
Kudos: 244





	Just Promise To Bury Me By The Bench

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for suicide! Stay safe my bois

Tommy was sitting on the beach, looking at the sunset. He felt so alone, no one has visited him for a while now and he couldn't help but drown in the happy memories he once gained. He remembered sitting on the bench with Tub- with his best friend, talking about some unimportant stuff and just chilling after the hard day. It was always very peaceful, they had always laughed together while they were watching the sunset. He shuddered at the sudden memory popping up in his mind, it left him feeling even more empty. Those were really good times, he missed them a lot, but he also knew it was his fault they were gone.

He fucked up.

He held the sword close to his chest, a little hesitant and a little unsure. To be honest, he was actually pretty terrified, he didn't know what will wait for him after death, hell, he didn't even know if he succeeds. But even if not- he had his plan B ready and that calmed him down at least a little bit.

He was scared of pain, he was scared that it will hurt so much that he can't bear it.

But he knew nothing could hurt more than life.

He sighed heavily, giving up on the last thoughts about stopping this. He just accepted his fate, he has to die, it's his duty.

He was the problem. He realized it too late but at least now he knew- as long as he lives, they can't be happy, as long as he lives L'manberg can't be safe.

So he has to die.

He made up his mind and while breathing heavily, he pressed the sword a little harder. It hasn't broken through his skin yet, but he could feel the pressure of the metal against his chest. One strong push- it was all it takes to finally end it all. To end the pain, to end the problems, to end the loneliness.

To end his mind.

The intrusive thoughts were so loud, so tempting. He wanted to give in.

He could just do it, end the pain right now. He wouldn't have to deal with anything anymore. He could just leave and find peace in death. No one would even care, so why did he hesitate? Dream said that everyone hates him, that they don't think about him anymore. They probably just forgot about him, that's how important he was to them.

So they just used him, huh?

He sacrificed everything for L'manberg, for his home, and when they finally got it back, they just- they just exiled him. They threw him out of the country he fought for, the country he gave up his disks for.

The country he lost himself for.

This thought was suffocating, it was too hard to actually take in. His breath was very unsteady at this moment, he felt as though he couldn't breathe. He was drowning in his own thoughts.

It hurt, it hurt so much. He wanted to cry, to scream, to punch something- but he couldn't. He was too exhausted, his strength left him like everything else did.

But then he heard the voice, and his heart sunk when he realized that he started feeling a little bit of hope, his loneliness slightly drown out.

"Tommy~ Where are you?" Dream said in his teasing voice while he spawned just in front of the Nether portal. He looked around as he walked to Tommy's tent. He thought the kid would be here because lately, he was barely even leaving his bed. But he didn't find him there, so he checked the nearest buildings but there also was no trail of Tommy. "Are we playing hide n seek?" He asked a little louder because he knew the kid was active right now so he had to be somewhere near. But when he got no answer, he started feeling a little bit of annoyance.

Where the hell was he?

He couldn't go far because it was forbidden for him. That's why Dream looked for him in the nearest forest and when he couldn't find any trace of him there, he went to the beach. It was the last place Tommy could be in. If he's not there then well- Dream will have to do some hunting.

But he was right. Tommy, luckily for himself was there. He was sitting on the sand, head turned to the sea as he- as he held a sword close to his skin. Dream's heart skipped a beat when he realized it was pointing towards the kid's heart. It was concerning, to say at least.

Dream slowed down a little and analyzed the situation. He didn't think he really had to worry, it didn't seem as if anything here could do any harm to him. It was only Tommy, sitting with the sword close to his chest, not breaking his skin yet, staring at the sea with weird interest. It was a little unusual but he couldn't pretend that he didn't see the kid looking into the lava, considering jumping in it multiple times earlier. He couldn't help but smile a little, he was trying to get some pity? Dream didn't care about some minor hurt the kid could do to himself, he wouldn't change his mind about the exile. Something like that was just a Tommy thing to do, but he never really seriously tried taking his own life. He always just considered it, not quite making the final decision. He probably didn't even have the guts to do something like that.

So Dream didn't take it seriously.

"Hello Tommy." Dream gave the kid his usual, sneaky smile. He crossed his arms on his chest and stood there just watching him and waiting for his move, but when he saw that Tommy didn't even move to look at him, he spoke again. "I don't have much time today, so let's get over with the inevitable." He said as he dug a little hole between them for Tommy's items. He gestured to the hole, but the kid didn't move, he just sat there in the same position from the beginning. They maintained eye contact for a little while but soon enough Dream got annoyed again.

He just said he doesn't have much time and the kid still dared to stand up to him and waste it. He just fucking ignored him, and that was definitely unacceptable.

He shot an arrow which landed just beside Tommy. The kid jumped a little from getting scared but he looked at Dream shortly after, finally giving the other what he wanted.

Tommy looked as if he wasn't even paying attention to him. His gaze was hazy, not really looking at Dream, more like staring off into space. It looked so wrong, with the sword held against his skin, near the heart. Tommy's eyes were so full of emotions, but what strangled him the most was that the strongest feeling visible in them was acceptance.

A̶l̶l̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶h̶o̶p̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶g̶o̶n̶e̶.̶

H̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶e̶n̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶.̶

He just dramatized, it wasn't that bad yet. And if he tries anything, Dream could make him live if he needed to.

Dream had more control over Tommy's life than he himself.

"Hm?" He hummed hurrying Tommy to get up and give up the items he has gathered since the last time. He definitely was extremely annoyed by now, the kid was just straight up ignoring him and his words. At this point, Dream was sure that Tommy just wanted him to get violent. _He asked for it._

Tommy just turned his head to look at the sea, pretending he doesn't see the other guy standing literally a few meters away and he just fell into the hurricane of his own thoughts. His hands a little shaky, slightly because of the long time he had them in the air, but also because of the anticipation that took over him.

Dream made him a little hesitant, he made him feel the things he knew were fake. But the hope still lingered on him, and he felt sick because of it.

He felt sick that he grew an attachment to this green blob, which literally made his life a living hell for a long time. But now- now it felt different.

Almost.

He pushed the sword a little bit harder against his skin, but he stopped rapidly when he felt the sharp pain as a sequence of his action. The blood started dripping down his ripped shirt, tainting it red. It felt so cold against his skin, almost comforting but the pain- the pain of the sword breaking past his skin was so bad, he wanted to scream.

But he liked it.

"Tommy, don't make a scene. You're doing this for what? Even if I let you go back to dream smp - you're still going to be alone, no one wants you there. They don't care, Tommy. You need to accept the truth." Dream snapped him out of his sick thoughts. Tommy looked at him with a painful look in his eyes, he already knew all of that. Dream almost flinched at it, it was just so- so distressed. He could feel his pain only by looking at him.

It was just a really excruciating view.

"Shut up, you green bastard!" Tommy screamed while pressing the sword harder into his skin. He probably had cut through the fat layer by now. The blood was dribbling down faster and faster, slowly dripping on the sand and leaving red little dots on it. Tears prickled in the corners of his eyes, it was painful, and doing it slowly only worsened the situation.

One strong push, it was all it took.

He could do it-

"Listen, you have a lot to live for. These are just some dumb thoughts of yours, don't make stupid decisions based on them." Dream said while being a little infuriated. Was Tommy really suicidal? No, he probably was making this all up to try and make him abolish the exile. But it ain't happening, it would literally be against everything he did to this point. It would be illogical and unintelligible.

"You're being funny! Do I look like I have anything to hold on to? Do I look like I have a thing to care about? You took everything from me- even _my Tubbo_ , the only thing that kept me going, the only thing that reminded me about happier times- before I lost everything." Tommy laughed hysterically. He was lost in his mind, too deep in those toxic thoughts which Dream helped create. His mind screamed at him, it hurt, it was too loud to bear - it was trying to make him do things that he might regret later if he even had the chance to.

"But isn't that your fault? It's because of the things you've done that you're here, that your friends hate you, that no one cares about you anymore. It wouldn't have happened if you stopped to think about others before you ignored everyone's will." Dream stopped to let the boy think about his words. The silence pierced through their ears until he spoke again, this time with his comforting and peaceful voice. "But that's all in the past, they forgot about you but I'll never. I am your best friend and always will be. I will never leave you like they did because I care about you. I am the only person you have now, Tommy." Dream said letting the silence fall between them again. He knew he's wasn't doing any good to Tommy but he needed him on his side, he needed to be sure that the boy is going to choose him if there will ever be the need to. He lied to him before, now, and will lie to him in the future, that's how things have to be. And Tommy always believed him. It was so easy to manipulate the boy, but it also was so easy to break him- and he wasn't careful enough, he let him fall apart.

He slightly regretted it.

And he didn't know if that's because now his plan won't succeed or because he grew an attachment to the other.

"Stop this bullshit! I know, I know, I knOW, I KNOWIKNOWIKNOW-"

Tommy repeated those words like a mantra, trying not to think about this because he knew. He knew too fucking well that Dream was right, he knew that this guy is the only person he can talk to, the only person actually visiting him.

Dream took everything for him, but at least he was there when he needed him.

He hated it.

He hated it.

HE HATED IT.

Because he didn't hate him.

"Tommy, you need to calm down--"

"There's no point in anything anymore! Did you know, Dream?" Tommy screamed, his voice hoarse from the previous screeching. He smiled, tears falling down his cheeks as he started laughing. It was a sad laughter, filled with agony and loneliness, it induced shivering. It felt cold.

And that was when Dream realized - Tommy was serious about this. He really wanted to end it all, right here, right now. He couldn't let it happen, it would mess everything up.

His anger left him almost immediately. He had to quickly make up something to stop him.

"We can go see the Christmas tree if you want. The one in L'manberg, you know? Just this time, I will let you if you calm down, okay?" Dream tried to soothe him a little. He didn't really know what to do, he never was in a situation like this. He just didn't want Tommy to die.

Because it was all his fault.

Tommy seemed to hesitate, not quite putting his sword down, but not pressing it closer to his skin either. So Dream took this chance to approach him slowly. He kept eye contact with the other, to make him calmer.

Tommy didn't move at all, as though he was frozen. He let Dream gently take the sword out of his cut and toss it aside. He let him bandage the wound and slightly wipe out the blood on his skin. Tommy let himself fall into Dream's hands afterward, emotionally drained out, shaking a little. The other boy cautiously put his arms around the kid's body, hugging him softly.

It wasn't in his plan, but maybe this time, he could just turn a blind eye to it.

Tommy wasn't doing well. Strong pain in his chest made him bend in half and clutch his hands onto his shirt. He couldn't think, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't beAR IT. It hurt, it hurt, it hURT, IT HURTITHURTITHURT.

HE WANTED TO DIE JUST TO END THIS PAIN.

"Tommy!" Dream screamed, snapping him out of his thoughts. The pain was slightly less intense, more bearable right now. Dream helped him steady his breath, make more air reach his lungs, his brain. Tommy wiped out the tears from his face with his hand. He slowly started to calm down. "I called you multiple times and you haven't answered until the last one. What the hell was that?" Dream asked, confused. He just witnessed Tommy cry in pain, screaming his lungs out for no visible reason. Was it because of the wound? It didn't look that serious, but maybe he overlooked something.

" 'don't know, man." Tommy answered quietly, still in shock after the previous situation. His body was a little shaky now, but there weren't any more unpleasant aftercomes of this pain. Now it didn't even seem that painful, it even felt kind of enjoyable he would say.

He wanted it to come back, at least then he felt something. It was a nice getaway from the numbness he was feeling every day.

Dream just nodded his head and got up. He dusted himself off and fixed his hoodie.

"Let's go." He said as he made his way towards the Nether portal.

He looked at the other boy, scanning him carefully, searching for some other wounds that may be dangerous, but he didn't find any more than he already had before.

Tommy looked more than miserable. His shirt was ripped, covered in blood from his earlier attempt. He had very dark bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep and tiredness. One of his shoes was missing, he just traveled almost barefoot. He was dirty overall, not really having the strength to wash himself in the sea because it was his only way to do so. His hands were heavily injured from everyday mining, from lack of any protection for them, from fighting for his life when Dream wasn't there to protect him from the mobs.

He looked disconsolate and sorrowful.

Dream looked away, he kind of felt guilty. He was the one that frequently burned Tommy's armor and stuff, he deprived him of an opportunity to be safe, to have a normal life.

He just shook his head, it wasn't the best time to think about this. It had to be done, he had no choice, it was necessary.

It had to be done.

So he just continued walking, shaking off the guilt he previously felt, not paying attention to this thought anymore.

The trip to L'manberg wasn't quite short. They had to go through their rough road in the Nether, watching out not to be killed by anything that was out there. But today, besides some ghasts attacking them, it was pretty peaceful.

Of course, he had to rescue Tommy at least twice. The kid didn't have anything on him, no weapons, no armor, so he was an easy target. That wasn't even the whole point, Tommy didn't even _try_ to dodge the fireballs, he behaved like nothing was happening, like it was the safest place he has ever been to. Well, maybe it was.

Tommy swayed a little, he couldn't really walk straight. At first, Dream thought it was because he was so tired or because he was so weak. Some time later, the kid couldn't really speak normally. He was stopping in the middle of the sentence, forgetting what he was about to say, he was changing the subject randomly or saying words that didn't even exist but were supposed to mean something. He behaved like he was drunk or high.

But soon enough, Dream connected the dots and he really didn't like the outcome.

"Tommy... did you take anything?"- Dream looked at the other guy cautiously, paying more attention to his body language than to his words because he knew Tommy wouldn't say the truth even if he was able to - which he honestly wasn't.

"Wh-ah, what, what do you- mwen?" The other guy asked, not even bothering to look at him. He didn't even really understand the question he just got asked. He couldn't really think to be honest, his thoughts slipping through his fingers as he couldn't catch any of them.

Dream just looked at him not convinced at all. His reaction didn't really tell him anything, it was as if Tommy didn't understand his words.

So he did nothing about it, he didn't even know if his guessworks were true, he didn't even know who could he go to for help if they were.

He didn't want to acknowledge the situation.

It wasn't his first mistake.

He just continued walking, refusing to think about this, ignoring the situation. It was better to not think at all than to drown in thoughts.

It's okay, he will be okay, the plan is going to succeed.

It's going to be okay.

After some walking, they finally went through the portal again, to the overworld. Tommy was shaking a little, probably because he was on the dream smp for the first time since his exile. It wasn't that long ago, but a lot has changed since then.

Tommy was in awe, he was constantly looking around, trying to discern every little detail and burn it into his mind. He knew it was probably his last time to ever see L'manberg, his real and only home.

It hurt.

It brought back memories, memories of him and his friends just hanging out together on those streets. He remembered how they often played tag, just having fun with each other. He remembered how they played hide and seek, trying to hide in people's houses, behind the trees, sometimes even underground.

He- he remembered the bench.

He used to sit there with his best friend- with Ṫ̷̠͈͚̈́̍̄͐̊̎̍͝ͅu̵͙̟̙͊͂̽̓͗̅͂̔͂͋b̵̖̲͕̩̓͝b̷̲̿͠͝o̵̡̧͕̥͕̞̙̙̔̀͋̋͌̌̕͘̚. They used to listen to the disks together, watching the sunrises and the sunsets. At this point, he probably had all the notes in 'Chirp' perfectly memorized.

It hurt, he wanted those times to come back at all costs, but he knew it was not happening, he fucked up and it was final.

There was no way of coming back.

No hope.

And that's why he decided to end it. Maybe he could be just like Ghostbur? Maybe he could become a ghost, forget all the bad things and live a happy life. The exile doesn't work for ghosts, right? He could come back home, meet his old-

No one wants him there.

He just wanted to disappear forever.

He felt hot as if the temperature had risen a lot. He felt he's about to pass out. He felt nauseous.

It was awful.

His mind was spinning, his vision blurry as he walked. He tried to blink a couple of times and focus his eyes but it didn't help at all. His legs trembled as he proceeded to follow Dream, making it a little harder to keep up with him.

"They made it a lot nicer since the last time you've been here, right?" Dream asked to snap Tommy out of his thoughts. His behavior much more suspicious and worrisome, as he almost couldn't stand on his own. It seemed to get only worse, not any better.

The kid looked so _weak_ , so _sick_.

When Tommy finally managed to understand the question, he nodded. That was right, they upgraded the paths, improved the houses and all. It seemed a lot more welcoming but also much more durable.

P̶r̶e̶v̶i̶o̶u̶s̶ ̶L̶'̶m̶a̶n̶b̶e̶r̶g̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶d̶u̶r̶a̶b̶l̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶o̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶m̶a̶t̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶y̶ ̶l̶i̶g̶h̶t̶e̶n̶e̶d̶ ̶u̶p̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶t̶n̶t̶-̶

They also added some Christmas decorations in L'manberg. You could see the big candy canes they put by the main sidewalk from far away. Little ornaments- such as tiny gifts, were a great addition to the houses. It felt so warm, so heartwarming.

It was snowing today and probably yesterday too because there was a lot of ice. A thick layer of snow was covering the gardens and entrances to the houses. It was so nice, he could feel the Christmas spirit, he could feel the longing- he wanted to spend this special time with his friends and family. He remembered how with his best friend they made lots of gingerbread cookies, how they helped Phil decorate the tree in their house, how they laughed together while all of this and-

No.

He shouldn't think about this, it will make it all harder. Those times will never come back and it was all his fault. He mustn't feel a yearning for those memories because it was him who had chosen this path. It was him who fucked up.

He shook his head, thinking was always a bad idea. The more he remembered, the more it hurt, so instead he just started paying attention to his surroundings again. It was better than drowning in memories that will never come back.

Decorations, decorations, decorations. It was all really pretty, he couldn't say otherwise but without people around, it felt so fake, so empty.

He stopped walking when they finally got to the main highlight- the Christmas tree.

Tommy's eyes sparkled when he looked at it. It was even prettier in person than on the picture Ghostbur gave him. It was so big, so colorful. The lights on it were very bright, almost blinding. They were giving off the warmth which they filled his heart with. He felt at home, he felt surrounded with love.

He had trouble breathing, he felt as if he couldn't breathe in the necessary amount of air. He started choking, air not reaching his lungs at all, not reaching his brain. He thought he's going to asphyxiate.

Was the tree just so breathtaking?

"It-it's bweautiful" Tommy said astonished as he shed a tear. It was hard to watch for Dream, he- he...

Tommy lost consciousness.

Dream caught him in the last second when he was about to hit the ground. He laid him carefully on the grass and started thinking of what to do in despair. It couldn't end like this, he had plans for him, he wanted to use him to win, he needed him- no, he just cared.

_Tommyinnit was killed by Tommyinnit using poison_

But it was too late.

_For our friendship and for our nation, the one I had fallen for,_

_Tommy_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you guys for reading! Feedback appreciated ;]


End file.
